The Human League. Started with a cover of You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling & slides of sixties TV shows and ended up (as H17) as a northern soul group and (as HL) The Archies. Basically electronic baby boomers.
The B52s. Notably not the B82s.
Shakin’ Stevens. You’re not even trying.
The Bangles. The Go Gos. Because no one had ever done a manufactured all girl group before.
Cabaret Voltaire. Damn shame their best work was Velvet Underground & Sky Saxon and The Seeds.
The Police. Maybe if you’re white.
A-Ha. Well now you have me. That music certainly sums up… sums up… what does it sum up actually? A-Ha is … timeless. A-Ha is every era.
Racey. See Shakin’ Stevens.
The Beat. Now look, you know that won’t wash, so just try harder.
Elvis Costello. Another guy that thought that Soul was just the thing to usher in the new decade. Christ he was doing country by 1982. The only decent stuff he did was in the 70’s. Don’t dish up any more 70’s acts here – I want “80s”.
Bucks Fizz. There you go! Now you’re kicking! Formed 1981 and ABBA with an exciting new stage ABBA routine which pushed ABBA the bounds of ABBA ABBA Eurovision ABBA bus crash ABBA.
ABBA. See Bucks Fizz.
Prince. See Shakin’ Stevens. C’mon.
Depeche Mode. Hot Butter, 1972. OK that was cruel, even for me. But let’s be serious here – early Mode is 60’s bubblegum, and I don’t think the band would have minded that comparison. They got more symphonic over the decade and eventually became a Harvest band. Which is a band that should naturally be on EMI’s Harvest label – basically Prog Rock: Pink Floyd, Mike Oldfield, Kevin Ayers… and Art Punk bands – Wire, The Saints et al. Depeche Mode is part of a long tradition of UK bands that have something to do with Stonehenge.
New Order. Are we talking New Order as in ‘make dull rock albums’ New Order – or as in ‘have some DJ try and salvage a decent 12 inch out this cack’ New Order? The former could have been from any time over three decades – nondescript is nondescript. The twelve inches however are a tribute to Super Gay DJ Technology. But SGDJT can take anything and make it sound like an Amyl rush. I’m prepared to concede ground here – if you think that the ability to transform an armpit fart into heaven is ’80’s music’ I’ll agree, so long as you realise you’re solving one question with another.
Madonna. Where Super Gay DJ Technology spills out of the beaker and creates an imitation of life. A new horror film: The dug up corpse of Debbie Harry is animated by a lightening bolt, pretends to be Marylin Monroe and having failed adopts the guise of Mistress of the Hounds complete with fake British accent. Dr Who discovers an alien mechanism under the Atlantic and pulling the lever, causes this Golem to dissolve into anti matter. {SLAP} Sorry I’ll behave. Madonna was written by Stephen Bray and produced by Nile Rodgers, who being the guitarist from Chic probably remembered how to do that funky 70s stuff.
The Stone Roses. That’s not a band that’s one funky drummer loop.
Happy Mondays. http://www.learnhistory.org.uk/football/
Japan. Oh yes. So cultured. Bet you have never seen the cover of their first 7 inch single, the one with drawing of the goat in high heels. From behind. No I am not kidding. Anyway as befits a group formed in 1974, we love Bowie long time. Please no more 70’s groups.
Culture Club. Along with UB40, see The Police. The soft core limp version.
Supertramp. Beige carpet and sideburns. No.
Billy Joel. It’s Still Rock N Roll to Me.
Lionel Richie. Hello?
Guns n Roses. Nothing quite conjures up the decade like Slash. Or Guitar Hero for the XBox 360.
Run DMC with Aerosmith. That’s it – you beat me. Run DMC with Aerosmith is the eighties. I’ll buy the next round.