Student Number n324541
Called into office to discuss attendance. Handed me photographs of themselves on top of the burning World Trade Towers attacked by badly superimposed 3D models of WW2 aircraft, including a Nazi UFO. Asked if I had seen the Peter Jackson version of King Kong because ‘that shit was real I was there’. When I questioned the timing of this event said that I was being culturally insensitive.
Rating: I do not like this student.
Action: Pass on to Head of School.
Student Number n213417
Pitched to make short video documentary on persons with vile eating disorders. Asked if I would agree to be interviewed.
Rating: I do not like this student.
Action: Tell student that they are culturally insensitive.
Student Number n448103
Started by sleeping in lectures. Now sets up glass of water on a bedside table, places their false teeth in it, takes off their dressing gown and slippers and rolls up in four poster bed with luxurious canopy & velvet tassels. This is distracting for other students especially those that are sharing the bed.
Rating: I do not like this student.
Action: Bring comically large mechanical alarm clock to next lecture, and wind them up.
Student Number n259182
Insists that they are actually Student Number n235620 plus Goods and Services Tax.
Rating: I do not like this student.
Action: Reduce their results by ten percent.
Student Number n673940
Serenades my office with Elvis songs such as You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog and Heartbreak Hotel, wearing rhinestone encrusted white suit and dark glasses. Speaks with near authentic southern USA accent, however in fluent Mandarin. When I ask who he is supposed to be, says he is David Bowie.
Rating: I do not like this student.
Action: Transfer to Audio Production class.
Student Number n649174
Bears an uncanny likeness to Queen Victoria, standing on a wheeled platform. Does not speak (or move) in tutorials, but has attended every tutorial and lecture so far. Essays quite good, camera work stilted but very steady. Good group dynamics: was once seen by me being pushed into a theory class by other students.
Rating: This is a good student and will do well.