American readers may be confused that KMart in Australia broke away from its American mother long ago and has thrived in this country, slowly but relentlessly eating up Target stores. Both Target and KMart are part of Wesfarmers (yes spelled like that) which was once the Western Australian Farmers Co-op. If you like you can picture it as a kind of corporate multi-verse where the retail apocalypse didn’t happen. (Australians – There are only four USA KMarts left. No shit).
I needed a real honest mechanical toy piano and found an ANKO model for 50 bucks. Did you know that ANKO stands for A New Kind Of? This name says “we’ve moved from sourcing goods made by others, to designing our own on-trend”. Actually that’s a pile of horse shit. You will see this exact toy in myriad different forms in different toy stores, each with a different colour scheme, but all from some Chinese slavery hell hole. But the ANKO one was FIFTY BUCKS. Over at the next shop it’s $99. And I’ve seen one on eBay for $169. Tell them they’re dreaming.
A real toy piano is a complex physical environment. Tap the key, there’s a wooden clack, the bell is hit and all the other bells ring in sympathy all inside a particular resonant wooden box. Let go of the key and another clack-clunk as the key falls back. None of this is beyond samples or physical modelling but here it is in a little box with a squirrel painted on it. Some of the other toys are cuter or trickier but this is the one by which all are measured.
There are toy pianos with more keys and those that look more like pianos. This has big keys, not long but as wide as many adult instruments. And the shape is tidy and built for punishment. Sadly I think I have the last of the ANKO ones. Actually I’m not sad at all.